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Overbearing MILs
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brocollimom23
In-laws and I had a falling out after a big fight. My mother-in-law (MIL) publicly cried in front of my husband's family because she couldn't hold our grandson, breaking our no-smoking rule. This led to a downward spiral, with many boundaries crossed, especially after I gave birth. Her public outburst was the final straw. She apologized (prompted by my husband) and I accepted, but I removed her from my social media (IG and FB) to maintain my personal boundaries. Now, she's asking my husband why I haven't accepted her new IG request. I need space and don't want to share my personal life with her after everything that happened. My husband mentioned that his aunt can see all my posts (a mistake I made by accepting their requests early on) and sends screenshots to his mom, which frustrates me. It's like, now his whole family knows what happened? Did she even tell them the whole story? I doubt it, since she loves to play the victim. Welcome to the drama world! I feel it's unfair to make a big deal about me when she doesn't even follow my husband's brother's fiancée. And ranting about social media to her son is so petty. Don’t you have a life? Seriously ����♀️ she is still works fyi.
His mom asked when she can visit our son, but I'm reluctant to engage with toxic individuals. Does this make me a bad person for wanting peace instead of a forced relationship? I want to maintain a civil relationship without drama (but how?). I'm stressed out thinking about my in-laws. I just needed to vent and rant. Thank you for listening
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Auggieloves
I've been just where you are, completely. Short answer, no you aren't wrong. I understand your husband wanting things to be OK, calm, whatever but frankly, that's in her power. It could be fine again right now if she'd back off. You need space and if she doesn't give it, you are going to resent her and come to not stand her. If she doesn't keep choosing to be toxic instead of respectful, she's going to lose big. She's in the wrong and you need space and time. I wouldn't want that / didn't want that around my kids either. She needs to act like a mature adult and not act like a child. The public tantrum and crying , the lying- it needs to stop. She needs to just refrain from trying to communicate and playing the victim game- to get some professional help to sort her feelings out. NOT place them on your husband or children, or you or online. She needs to learn to think before she acts and take control of herself. That's my opinion of it at least.
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anLouis-10-11
Firstly, you’re not in the wrong for throwing up more boundaries when a simple one is crossed. Actions have consequences, especially as adults, and she needs to understand that she can’t get away with those things. There’s no better way to reinforce how serious you were about the boundary you set in place than to pull back further when it was crossed & being cautious moving forward. Secondly, she’s STILL crossing boundaries (though maybe one that hasn’t been set yet) by ranting to her son about her personal problems. He’s not her therapist, he’s not AGAINST you in setting boundaries, so she needs to be made aware that you guys are a team and make those decisions together; meaning he needs to tell her “I support my wife, she knows what’s best for our kiddo and I will help her enforce those choices.”
Third, his aunt/other family need to be removed from social media too in my opinion simply because they’re enabling MIL by sending her screenshots… they are old enough to know better, that NO means NO & by sending screenshots they’re skirting the restrictions you set in place for MIL themselves, though I bet it’s less intentional on their part and more just to shut the MIL up. But still they need to be adults too and say “ No, go apologize for your actions and speak with OP if you want to get pictures/updates again. I won’t be the middle man.”
I understand a lot of this is in the ideal world, but still you are allowed to protect your peace and your home, anyone who disagrees SHOULD be cut off/restricted. It sounds like some space is needed and time to cool off before a civil relationship can be had, she’s still too hot headed and it honestly sounds like she still doesn’t understand what she did wrong in the first place.
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ajb0419
Remove, block, delete �� Fin! ��
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